Tons of practicing! And my commissary excursion

Operation Weight Gain – GO! I haven’t been feeling the DFAC/galley food lately (to be honest, none of us really have), so I need to take my food matters into my own hands. Monday-Thursday isn’t too bad at the galley for lunch, but that’s about it. Lunch and dinner are the same, and they run out of fruit, soy milk, salad bar items, all the time. So I take containers there and when they have nuts, I make sure I take some nuts with me, because they probably won’t have them at the next meal! Just taking precautions, that’s all! So here’s some food that I’ll take with me to chow and for snacks at the schoolhouse. I have larabars, peanut butter, chocolate and vanilla PlantFusion protein powder, canned vegetables, canned kidney beans, caramel M&Ms (duh), dates, nuts, tuna and salmon packets, and fruit. The best part, of course? Gluten-free cookies! I’m trying the Glutino brand – some grains bother my stomach, but the ingredients in these two cookies look fine. I’ve tried the lemon wafers so far – AMAZING! I’ve been so jealous at the galley, because even though the food is lacking, their desserts look delicious! Brownies, cookies, pie, coffee cake… everyone loves them. But since I have celiac, if I were to eat one, my body would hate me for a few days. I used to eat cookies anyway and deal with the consequences, but that’s so silly. I’m not super happy about eating tuna and salmon. I really would like to be completely plant-based, but my stomach seems to like tuna and salmon. We’ll see how it goes for now.

But THESE cookies… these lemon wafers are bomb.com.

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I’m steadily losing weight for some reason, even with upping my calories considerably. But I think that’s normal, according to some online articles and a book that I checked out of the library. My metabolism should be firing up, and my body is going to be super efficient at burning calories for up to a year. So I might need to start eating even more… which is why I bought cookies. I want to eat pretty healthy as I gain weight, but I think I need to call in the big guns. I’ve been starving when I wake up in the morning, and I can’t fall asleep until I get out of bed to eat something. It’s usually been dates and peanut butter πŸ™‚ Still, I cant wait to talk to the Army doctor on Wednesday. I’m a little concerned, since I’ve cut my exercising by more than half and started eating more 500 calories, and I’m losing weight.

I got a book called, “Brave Girl Eating,” from the library last week. It’s written by a mom who decides to help her teenage daughter recover from anorexia at home rather than at a treatment center. The author tells her story and also pulls information from many studies and research articles to dive into the reasons behind eating disorders, especially about how the brain is working during malnourishment. There were SO many times in the book I was like, “YES, it’s not just me!” I’ve felt like a different person from when Will and I started dating and now. I had almost kicked my eating disorder when I was at Basic, and we met in October when I was eating (and drinking) pretty normally. Now, I was still pretty structured in when I would eat, and I would get anxious if I was hungry and I wasn’t sure when I would eat or if the restaurant didn’t have what I was planning to eat. Ok, on second thought, maybe I wasn’t as close to kicking it as I thought…

Anyway, a lot of my behaviors and mannerisms are consistent with people with eating disorders. My “OCD,” not wanting to share food, stocking up on certain foods, being rigid with my schedule/inflexible, being irritable, getting upset when I make a mistake, low-grade depressions, withdrawing from friends and family, not seeing the joy in every day life, and even my compulsion to overexercise – they’re all consistent with someone with an eating disorder. BUT these negative aspects of my personality aren’t really ME, so when I finally kick the eating disorder, I’ll gain my old personality back. I’ll be fun again!

My horn playing has been going SO well lately. I’ve been getting to the schoolhouse at 8 AM and just starting my day off with the horn. I feel like things are starting to come together. Now, it’s been really nice having fresh chops every practice session, since we haven’t had Concert Band, Ceremonial Band, or MPT rehearsals to wear them out. But I needed some solid hours of practicing to get my confidence back up, and I got them this weekend πŸ™‚ Two hours and 40 minutes yesterday and today. This book is really helpful for low horn – Randy Gardner’s Mastering the Low Horn.

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I’m playing three new pieces for my AMPA in Week 6 (we just finished Week 3). I’m kind of worried now about playing completely new pieces – most people are playing the same three or switching one or two out! But I talked to Sgt Moon about striving for a 30 on my final AMPA, and we chose pieces that would suit that goal. I’ll just keep working hard! I’m playing the Strauss Nocturno, Princess Leia’s Theme from Star Wars, and Beale St Blues. They’re all really fun! However, I’ve been making a point to listen to phenomenal horn players as inspiration, and this compilation is just making me sad inside πŸ™‚ Barry Tuckwell is a BEAST.

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Oh, and these things are awesome – you put them around your sock and tuck your pants up in them. No more tucking my pants into my boots! I’m super high-speed now.

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Heggs and I went to the library tonight, and I scored!

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I’m watching Arrival right now in the day room, eating some caramel M&Ms πŸ™‚

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And I highly recommend Wonder Woman! It was a great movie. Coffee House Fellowship last night was good also! It’s nice to relax and casually talk about Jesus and what it means to live as a Christian.

One of my friends is going through similar food and weight stuff, and it’s been so nice to have her for support and accountability. We were talking about how we just both need to rely on and trust in God right now, even when the scale isn’t moving in the right direction. I thought the verse of the day in the Bible app was perfect. Actually, it always is a verse that I need right at that time. Funny how that works, God…

Verse of the Day
Psalm 5:11-12
– But let all who take refuge in you be glad; let them ever sing for joy. Spread your protection over them, that those who love your name may rejoice in you. Surely, Lord, you bless the righteous; you surround them with your favor as with a shield.

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